LOST & FOUND: Thelma Thimblefield

Hey, ya’ll. It’s me, Thelma Thimblefield. You probably know me. Everybody loves my canned preserves; almost as much as I love canning them for the Annual Autumn Fall Fest. You may see me volunteering down at the Cigarette Museum on alternate weekends.

If you don’t know me, you may know my grandson, Jeremy. He’s the star quarterback for Updegraff High School’s football squad. And my oldest daughter was voted Miss Teen Corn Husk 1976 at the Bicentennial State Fair and Maize Maze. But that’s neither here nor there.

I just have a quick query for all y’all. Has anybody seen my ski mask? It’s sort of a burnt orange color with purple piping around the eyes and mouth. I last remember wearing it at last week’s ski mask gangbang and now I can’t find it anywhere.

I really need it. The next ski mask gangbang is in a few days and ever since my driver’s license was revoked, it‘s difficult for me to get down to the sporting and camping goods outlet to buy a new ski mask. I tried to take the city bus once, but they kicked me off because I kept referring to the bus driver as a "colored boy". People are so sensitive! I even thought about trying to order a new ski mask from the Overstock.com, but they won’t accept a personal check.

I really need the ski mask. They won’t let you take part in the ski mask gangbang without a ski mask. I think that goes without saying.

Anyway, if you come across my gangbang ski mask, please let me know. Otherwise, I may be forced to slum it with those filthy scumbags at the motorcycle helmet key party.

Thanks, ya’ll! God bless!!!