Cool Shoes Browe

Kind of Bloop

Get it HERE. Come on, it's the most interesting thing you're going to hear all day it and only cost as much as one of those fancy beers you're always drinking.

Le Croc

Crocodile dundee 2 - Bande annonce by Whisky-Larson

This isn't my video.... But, this is where I'll be this weekend.

The Young Soul Rebels.

It's fall now, time to roll down the windows and let the Dexy flow. Throw out your "come on Eileen" misconceptions and dig it kids. It's kind of like time you finally suppressed Pink Cadillac so you could dig the boss.

LOST & FOUND: Thelma Thimblefield

Hey, ya’ll. It’s me, Thelma Thimblefield. You probably know me. Everybody loves my canned preserves; almost as much as I love canning them for the Annual Autumn Fall Fest. You may see me volunteering down at the Cigarette Museum on alternate weekends.

If you don’t know me, you may know my grandson, Jeremy. He’s the star quarterback for Updegraff High School’s football squad. And my oldest daughter was voted Miss Teen Corn Husk 1976 at the Bicentennial State Fair and Maize Maze. But that’s neither here nor there.

I just have a quick query for all y’all. Has anybody seen my ski mask? It’s sort of a burnt orange color with purple piping around the eyes and mouth. I last remember wearing it at last week’s ski mask gangbang and now I can’t find it anywhere.

I really need it. The next ski mask gangbang is in a few days and ever since my driver’s license was revoked, it‘s difficult for me to get down to the sporting and camping goods outlet to buy a new ski mask. I tried to take the city bus once, but they kicked me off because I kept referring to the bus driver as a "colored boy". People are so sensitive! I even thought about trying to order a new ski mask from the Overstock.com, but they won’t accept a personal check.

I really need the ski mask. They won’t let you take part in the ski mask gangbang without a ski mask. I think that goes without saying.

Anyway, if you come across my gangbang ski mask, please let me know. Otherwise, I may be forced to slum it with those filthy scumbags at the motorcycle helmet key party.

Thanks, ya’ll! God bless!!!

Gay Thoughts

The Growlers - "Gay Thoughts" from jack Coleman on Vimeo.

Krautrock - The rebirth of Germany.

Krautrock - The Rebirth Of Germany from Dood Lijk on Vimeo.

Grant Garvin: Idea Man

Hi! I’m Grant Garvin and I’m an idea man. I am full of inventive and innovative concepts. I am brimming with groundbreaking notions. My brain is rocked, cocked, loaded, scattered, smothered, and covered with all sorts of awesome thinky stuffs. Don’t believe me? Fuck you. Feast on these mind-shattering treats.

IDEA #1: You know how they have those BabyBjörns? You know, they’re like backpacks for your front parts and you put a fucking baby in it. Well, how about Björk Björns? Same thing, but instead of a baby you put some weird Icelandic frost nymph/singer in it. It will make zillions. Take that to the bank and smoke it.

IDEA #2: All you can eat dolphin sushi bars. Who are we kidding? Dolphins are delicious. If tuna is the chicken of the sea, dolphins are the prime rib of the ocean. People know this and I give people what they want. Bottomless dolphin sushi. Red Lobster, I will sell you this idea. Hit me up on my pager.

IDEA #3: Cut off chunks of your pubic hair and mail them to your enemies. You’re welcome.

IDEA # 4: That asshole that looked at me sideways during yesterday’s development meeting needs to end up on the wrong end of my fist, toute suite. That’s less of an idea and more of an action item for my deliverables task list. Noted.

IDEA #5: Glue a bunch of glitter onto your whiny-ass cat. Make that motherfucker sparkle and shit. Yeah, the cat will eat it and get sick, or maybe even die. Good. I don’t like cats. Still, it’s an idea. A fantastic idea!

IDEA # 6: Rocket diapers. What part of that do I need to explain? I didn’t think so.

IDEA # 7: You know that show Chopped on the Food Network? A bunch of chefs have to create meals out of a wicker basket full of of random ass ingredients, like wolf bladders and shark hearts and fennel. Anyway, my idea is for a special episode of that show where they put live cobras in the ingredient baskets. Then, when they dismiss a contestant at the end of a round, instead of saying, “You’ve been chopped,” the guy will say, “You’ve been bitten by an angry cobra and the venom is slowly coursing through your body, inevitably seizing your nervous system and sending you to a cold and premature grave.” Like it? I knew you would. How did I know? Because it was my idea, that’s how!

IDEA # 8: Apparently, there are wackos out there who like to fuck and/or be fucked by feet. Cut that out, foot freaks! Feet were made for wearing boots. Boots were made for walking. Genitals were made for doing the dirty dipping. So this idea is targeted directly at foot fetishists: Stop with the foot fucking. Seriously. Stop it. It’s gross. I’m talking to you, Debra.

IDEA # 9: Reunite the original lineup of L.A. Guns. Phil and Tracii, you know where to find me.

IDEA # 10: Aborted baby name generator. Look, it’s a cold hard fact. More loose women are having legal abortions than ever before. Why not name your unborn mistake? Possible aborted baby names include: Whiskey Dick Distribution, The Not-Chosen One, Momma’s Failed Attempt, Whew…That Was A Close One, and Irish Stepchild.

I came up with these gems right off the top of my goddam dome while masturbating to an episode of Hoarders. Imagine what I could conceive if I devoted some focus to this noise. Anyway, I’m about to fall asleep on a bus bench and pee-pee on myself. There will be more to come, though. Till next time, I am and always shall be Grant Garvin: Idea Man.

thursday doodle

Love in Amsterdam

Space is the place.

I'm going to kick this party off by sharing a little ambient music with you. Not ambient as in plodding piano strokes every couple of seconds to create a mood for a particularly depressing segment on This America Life, I'm talking the very god damn fabric of the universe ambient. The kind of stuff that John Glenn hears in his nightmares in the small hours of the night. I'm not knocking your Brian Enos and your Aphex Twins but it's hard to go toe to toe with the very universe itself. This my friends is god reminding you that it is a lonely, lonely place out there and we will all die alone on a pale blue dot. Enjoy!

Disc 1

Disc 2

Disc 3

Disc 4

Disc 5

I really hope god and Conrad Schnitzler are working on some new jams for us.